The Faux Pas Press #3 - Tow Truck Travesty

THE FAUX PAS PRESS #3

A Weekly Thought

By: Jason Scott Chambers

15 August 2009

Tow Truck Travesty

I have some intensely positive news from an experience I wish I’d never had. Sound weird? Good from bad, glass half-full kind of positive, make me feel better about dumb decisions kind of positive. Yes, I recently got my car towed. Awesome. Yep, all intentions to park my car in a different spot left my mind after a game of Drunken Jenga with some close friends. I passed out on the floor while watching one of my favorite shows, Entourage. (A guy can dream, can’t he? My artificial life.) It could have been the delicate buzz of malted hops sucked through a straw after a new rule was made in our drinking game. (Ever sucked beer through a straw in timed intervals?) Maybe it was my friend’s cozy, party-stained carpet with not even a pillow to comfort my elongated head, but I just plain forgot to have a sober friend drive my car to a safe destination. Wouldn’t you know it? My 2005 Chrysler Sebring got towed by a friendly little chubby man, a guy who provides a noble service to the community, the Hero of Makakilo, HI. If I’m not mistaken Family Towing is the name of the company, and his license plate read something like UGOTJCKED. Like I said, this is a community based organization, kind of like Toys 4 Tots or Habitat for Humanity except without all the crazy do-gooding.

Here’s the good news. Not only did these fine folks tow my car, but (are you ready for this?) the same company actually towed my car from the same spot just months ago. So, this is the second time I’ve had the privilege of dealing with Family Towing. Awesome. Some people get frequent customer cards at Cold Stone Creamery or Starbuck’s. Not me. Apparently, I’ve got $145 to blow on horseshit. I actually prefer my frequent user card from the midnight bandits over at Family Towing. 5 tows and I’ll become a preferred member which is pretty cool. It means that I’ll get one free surprise tow/month. So, they’ll come and get my car wherever I happen to be and tow me for no reason at all. Awesome.

In all seriousness, I was quite embarrassed to call an acquaintance on Sunday morning and cancel a spear fishing trip. I was close to suicidal when I had to call my wife and money manager, Liz.

“Such a disappointment. Didn’t you get towed by that same company in June?”

“Yes, but I did get a frequent user card.

“Oh, well that’s a different story, intensely positive news. You are a genius, and I love you.”

In my defense, I am a human and sometimes, if not most of the time, I make mistakes, but here is the intensely positive news, my thought for the week. I learned that, sometimes, in life you strike out, but here’s my thought. The game of life was meant to be played – single, double, triple, or even pathetic strike out. You can’t hit a home run at every at bat. I’m here to play this game until they throw me out.

I can’t promise that I won’t strike out but I can promise that I will swing away until my last breath, until I take off my cap and bid the crowds farewell. The game? I will meet her with my very best every day – single, double, triple, or even pathetic strike out. You don’t have to hit a home run every time have a successful career (or a successful life for that matter).

Green Lights and Galactic Pulsars of Good,

Jason Scott Chambers
San Juan Capistrano, CA

P.S.

The Apostate Hymns by Jason Scott Chambers is now available on demand at www.outskirtspress.com. It can be purchased through their bookstore. They are a print-on-demand company that has agreed to print my poems in that fashion. It will be officially available at the end of the month.

For those of you who do not know, The Apostate Hymns is a flowing journey towards all that frightens traditional sensibilities, an encounter with the Self in the highest places of consciousness. It is also the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever written – crazy performance pieces that have only the semblance of a narrative. Good shit.