The Faux Pas Press #24: Begin to End

09 February 2010

The Faux Pas Press #24

A Weekly Thought

Begin to End

By Jason Fresh

The woman in the coffee shop that you look at, the one swinging around a key chain on some promotional lanyard, the one with that god-awful spiky hair; she really is there. No, it is not your imagination. She is really there, taking up space, real space carved out into real time. This is time brought out before you like a movie, except for it is not played at 24 frames/second, there is no movie score written by Brian Eno, there are no edits, no creative liberties taken by some dictatorial auteur.

That fat bitch is really there, really eating that fucking red velvet cup cake, really going over to a trashcan to throw it out when she sees herself in the mirror, really sitting next to a couple of Hawaiian adolescents reading the Bible together. Now, she really is putting on a Starbuck’s apron and laughing like my mother’s sister. This woman with an infamous, incendiary butch-dike hair cut probably has had a few beverages from this place, has probably left her iced tea sitting on that table before. She has probably sat her fat ass down on a wobbly chair before too. As a matter of fact, within a few years of wear and tear, she will probably be the cause of the chair’s final demise. She may even take the broken pieces, the recycled plywood assembled by slaves of the Third World, down to Mordor and toss them into Mount Doom like a female, butch-dike Samwise. Furthermore, I will probably be here to witness it, probably be here thinking about how much better I am than her, how much better I am than the kid she’s talking to, the one who now enjoys a similar Starbuck’s pastry to the one she just threw away. (I wonder how many cursed pastries are thrown away at the end of a day. I wonder if those who consume might also be done away with. I wonder if it matters.)

I must begin to end the waste of this anger – for my anger is a gift.

There is much to learn from what you hate. I must begin to channel all of it just like I have done and will continue to do. You must do the same. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do about anything, pissed off, blue, angry as a motherfucker, disgusted, and yes, indisputably happy. You are right on, you are right fucking on. It is okay to be rude, okay to cry, okay to whine about your life. After all, you are the auteur, aren’t you? You are Frodo, lost in fields of darkness. Dante descended into the pits of hell too. So, I will do the same. I will own the very choices of this day and give gratitude for it.

I am the fat, butch-dike female, I am the Hawaiian teenagers reading the Bible, I am the things I hate, the regurgitation of women like her and I am grateful. So, where there is disintegration in the world - I will go. Where there darkness - I will stand. For I am the force and I am the fury, I am the fold in the fabric and I am the frequency. We’ve got to look upon what we most despise. I will. I promise. I will watch the Starbuck’s patrons break furniture; I will then write about it. Yes, until my last fucking breath.

Green Lights,

Jason Fresh

www.fauxpaspress.com