I admitted before the Power and all the wisdom that is NOW
and will forever be; admitted that inside of you and inside of me – a torrent
downloading audio chemical calamity – admitted that I am no more a free
sentient being than you. Inside of you and inside of me there are battles that
we could not win. Battles that I should not have chosen in the first place. Reconciliation with tangled, twisted
past directions. And full to the membrane with polyandrous thoughts that I’ve
tried to claim. So, finally, after years of denying myself the freedom in
stillness, simmered down the bubbling fountains beneath the ocean’s tide,
accepted with gratitude the millions of angelic friends waiting to uphold the
rightness in us all. Only the Power and all the wisdom that is now and will
forever be. Only he to give me rest from this Gethsemane.
Marching along we go. Grinding away at each new day like
there is still gold in them hills a yonder. Turning our heads to North and
South, to East and West, pleading the Four Winds ride along the Night. May they
ride fast enough to carry those I love – and carry them far enough away from me
so as to not cause any more hurt with these magik words. “I’m not your fucking
Savior,” I cry. “Not your fucking God. Not your pleasant lover friend. Or
Build-A-Boyfriend Bear Workshop project. Too long I was sick with envy, pride,
greed, and lust for you. Now, I’m okay with it. Okay with being in touch with
this Power.”
May I come to bask in the forever song that surrender brings
from and to you. It means never ‘giving in’; it also means never ‘giving up’.
Mostly, above the presumptuous bosom of the Lady’s laughter, it means ‘giving
over’ the will of a Mind Boy Miscreant to Shiva-Krishna-Xenu-Moses-Jesus Amalgam
Boy. And off to the races we find ourselves again. God wills that I am healthy
and whole. Asking that they show me the way to a fulfilling surrender and
beautiful life.
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