The Faux Pas Press #49

The Faux Pas Press #49

By Jason Fresh

If you plan on living your life as a loner make sure you, at very least, have a contingency plan, some ugly broad who is tired of pleasuring herself, a gay neighbor who might want to make you muffins in the morning, a non-profit organization in which you can lose yourself. What you don’t want to do is tell your wife to take a hike, tell her that you can’t stand the sight of her anymore, and that you want to become a porn star-style bachelor with excess income and phone full of numbers. When you live in a society that is ripping apart at the seams, a place where the Children are calling the Folks out on all of their bullshit, where neighbors fear one another, you don’t want to be the single dude who has got time, money, and bitches – especially not when the rest of the world still suffers in nonsensical mediocrity. Because if you plan on being that guy then you’d better discover within yourself the Will to Power, you had better figure out how to cast spells over others, dance on broadcast television, or run marathons. Yeah, you’d better figure out how to do some amazing shit - do some yo-yo tricks or something. And after learning that you are, indeed, the center of the Universe, you’ll need to pretend like you don’t know – because there is nothing they hate more than a gifted man who isn’t also humble. No man wants to be the Father who can’t also play the Husband – but if you can pull it off, you’re golden.