The Faux Pas Press #35: Who Needs a Group?

25 May 2010

The Faux Pas Press #35

By Jason Fresh

Who Needs A Group?

I’ve experienced peace. I’m not really so sure about bliss on a level that touches the inwards of my soul but I will say that I’m learning that one has to be okay with solitude. You have to be okay with solitude so that others do not use you. Before you go and join a religious cult, before you join a secret society, a politic movement, a student club, or any thing that will take your time or your money, remember that, as Charles Bukowski said, “there are worse things than being alone.” I say, “You’ve got get to the pulp behind the rind, breath deep, and ask yourself what you really need. What void is being filled by going to the group? What are you getting? Are you loosing something?” Consequently, this is the place where most people go wrong in their relationships, the place where you stay attached to an abusive person, and the place where you enjoy chaos in your search for order. Groups are ready to abnegate themselves. You don’t have to join a group because you’re bored. Join a group only as long as you have to. Otherwise, you’re better off playing video games and drinking Mountain Dew Game Fuel. You’re better finding ways to deal with loneliness.

There is always a top-down structure, and you wonder why individuals don’t tune the bullshit detector. I’m not really someone to talk. I’ve bathed in bullshit; washed myself in dedication to institutions, shampooed my genitals in group-think. When I was 17 I lost my virginity, I felt guilty because I was taught, while viewing the dysfunction of my own parents, that the family unit is sacred, and I vowed never to repeat the act. I quit smoking; I quit drinking. I still jerked off when I was alone and could steal my roommate’s smut, but I really wanted to cleanse my life. It is a good thing Mormon’s believe in salvation by works, exaltation through ‘all you can do’ because I might have justified just living a rational, normal life earlier. But no, I had to belong to a damn group.

What I turned to was the easiest, most beneficial, supportive and accessible source. Even though I would completely devote years of my life to service in a religious cult, there would be certain things that I would not have to deal with. Bathing in the bullshit meant that I would not have to speak on my own. Honestly, that was comforting. And I see others in the world around me, folks needing so much to be important, needing so much to feel good. If a company preys on the need to satiate base desires or if a church preys upon your thirst for spirituality – remember - it is exactly the same. I watched a woman chomping on blue cheese crust at Ruth’s Chris, I saw a man proudly inserting 10 percent of his gross income into an envelope, and realized I was looking at the same person. One pays for importance and the other pays for importance. There is no difference. Just because someone speaks the truth doesn’t mean you must give them your money.

Green Lights,

Jason Fresh

www.fauxpaspress.com