The Faux Pas Press #19: The Brown Chair

21 December 2009

The Faux Pas Press #19

A Weekly Thought

By Jason Fresh

The Brown Chair

I am sitting in the brown chair. I wanted a green one but I settled for this one, the one now supporting my ass, reminding me that I also am an ass for accepting a product other than one that I ordered. I specifically ordered a green one, green like moss not beige or tan like sandy poop. But alas, I am shown by the Infinite that I am going to accept responsibility for this.

Yes, me – I am going to own this chair delivered by two delivery men here in Hawaii who didn’t care either way – whether I got the chair that I ordered or whether I bitch and moan like an impotent cake-eater. Yes, me – not the Navy Exchange Furniture Outlet – no, not the pubescent imbecile who bunked my order close to 4 times – me. This is precisely the reason I write this fucking weekly thought. I write it so that I can learn to deal with my choices, and hopefully, amuse you or try and find the good in the bad.

You ever sit and listen to someone complain. No, no you have not. You may say to yourself, “Well, yes, Jason Fresh, yes I do. As a matter of fact, I am a great listener. I listen better than I talk. And I’m a pretty good talker. I listen to people’s problems all the time,” but the truth, the poopy, brown chair-owning truth is that you don’t. You listen to Mr. Schlopenbooger next door talk about his butterfly collection or the problems of a two party electoral system. You hear someone complaining about the Fair Tax proposition. You hear someone like my dad moaning about the mistreatment of Muslims in this country, but you don’t care. You care about you. Do you know why you don’t want socialism? You don’t want it because you don’t want to listen to someone else’s problems, you don’t want to own the choices of the collective soul. You don’t want to sit for hours of your life being drained in the name fickle altruism, in the name friendship, or Christian brotherhood. You are waiting to leave, waiting to turn around and get to what you really want – money and power, money and power. You go to church for these reasons. You socialize for these reasons. You litigate for these two reasons.

So, I guess I could write a letter instead of this piece you are reading, but no one at the Navy Exchange wants to hear me bitch about my sandy, poop-colored chair, the chair that houses my body as I now write, a chair that I will probably own for the next 20 years. I’ve either got to make it my aim, my purpose to execute justice or get over the fact that I didn’t stop the movers. I even helped the guys bring the chair in. This is another mistake. Don’t help someone who is getting paid to do a service that you are paying for. I know it sounds ridiculous, right? Like who would do that anyway? I do it. I tip people who don’t deserve anything. I greet people who don’t deserve greeting. What is my thought here? I will tell you. My thought is: If you are going to choose to live with less than you deserve, does it make any sense to complain about it?

This week’s thought is brought to you by the Navy Exchange and my amazing experience with them. Thanks for sending me a brown chair in a package with a sticker marked GREEN. If I shop with guys again – well, then – I guess we know what kind of principles I have. The answer is none. I am saying that you can walk me on like 70’s, daisy-covered, turf-fiber door mat. Also, the day after Thanksgiving is a scam because it is only setting you up for more bondage, more slavery, and more spending in the name of brotherly love that will put you, the spender in irreversible debt. Long live Ebenezer Scrooge.

And if you are going to put up with less that you deserve - then you deserve it.

Green Lights,

Jason Fresh

www.fauxpaspress.com